Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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