I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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