Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
