STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
