I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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