his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
