careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
