i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
