I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
