can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
