hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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