so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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