my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
