booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
