you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I deserve this hangover.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
