god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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