Well apparently he's into motor boating.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
