Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
