I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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