Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
