You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
