Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
