What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
