just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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