Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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