who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
