Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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