Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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