I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
