dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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