If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dignity is for republicans.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
These tits shall not be calmed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
