I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize