everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
