In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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