So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
