im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
