how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
