I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
