it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
