sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
