There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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