Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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