once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
