Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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