My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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