Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
