3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
