His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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