i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
