how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
